A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Tax Day

Today is April 15, our customary Tax Day here in the U.S. This year, however, the IRS deadline for filing our tax returns is pushed to next Monday, April 18 (creating 3 extra days of pre-tax filing work days), thanks to Emancipation Day, which celebrates the freeing of slaves (you’ve got to appreciate the irony of the timing). Emancipation Day is a work holiday for public employees in Washington, D.C., but not for those of us preparing tax returns. Since it falls on April 16 this year (a Saturday), government offices in Washington are closed today instead. Hence, Tax Day is postponed.

The government may be closed (can anyone tell the difference if they’re opened or closed?), but this column is open for business. And lest you think you are completely off the hook for your usual April 15 dose of accounting, I am dedicating today’s column to a little (very little) CPA humor (no, that is not an oxymoron).

Here’s the best of what I culled from the more printable ones I found (kudos to my sources, who most likely found most of them on re-runs of the Johnny Carson Tonight Show or heard them as little children in the Catskills during the 1960’s). Have a little chuckle on me.

10. “Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night,” complained the accountant. “Have you tried counting sheep?” “That’s the problem – I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”

9. Why did the auditor cross the road? Because he looked in the file and that’s what they did last year.

8. There are 3 types of accountants: Those who can count and those who can’t.

7. How do accountants make a bold fashion statement? They switch from dark grey socks to light grey.

6. Why are accountants always so calm, composed and methodical? They have strong internal controls.

5. What do you call an accountant who works through lunch, takes two PTO days every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? Lazy.

4. What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t? Depreciation.

3. What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? Lost.

2. The accountant’s prayer: Lord, help me be more relaxed about insignificant details, starting tomorrow at 10:53:16 am, Eastern Daylight Saving Time.

1. Laws of Accounting: (1) Trial balances don’t. (2) Bank reconciliations never do. (3) Working Capital does not. (4) Return on Investments never will.

And just so my attorney friends don’t feel left out, here’s one for them:
Q: What’s wrong with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyers don’t think they’re funny and other people don’t think they’re jokes.

Bon weekend, everybody! And happy day off, if you happen to be a public employee in Washington, D.C.